An Ancient Astronaut Glossary: Part Two

Continued from yesterday’s blog…

Nazca Lines (Peru): Low technology geo-glyphs constructed by humans designed to be seen by the Sky Gods.

Neith: This is the satellite of Venus, not the Egyptian goddess. What satellite of Venus? That lone satellite that numerous astronomers observed, and then observed no more was named Neith. What transpired, why Neith disappeared, nobody knows.

Nordics (Global Mythology): Ancient astronauts; an extraterrestrial race – Satan, Yahweh, Jesus, Zeus, Odin, Thor, Viracocha, Quetzalcoatl, etc. are prime examples.

Odin (Norse Mythology): Chief ancient astronaut overseeing the general geographic area of Scandinavia often depicted as a bearded Caucasian.

Olmecs (Mesoamerica): The Olmecs were the first advanced civilization to inhabit the eastern coastal area of Mexico. They appeared on the scene mysteriously; they disappeared from the scene just as mysteriously, leaving behind numerous massive multi-ton stone heads with a decided African appearance, implying cultural contact between Africa and Central America way, way before any such contact would have been possible.

Olympians (Greek Mythology): A grouping of senior ancient astronauts, who, led by Zeus oversaw/supervised the general Mediterranean region.

Otherworlds (Celtic Mythology): Literally, other worlds; extra-solar planets around stars in interstellar space.

Out of Time (Global Mythology): Those that enter a mystical realm for a few days or weeks only to emerge years even decades or centuries later. Methuselah et al. might be cases in point; the Celtic Otherworlds among the possible realms. 

Palenque (Mesoamerica): Palenque is a well known Mayan archaeological site, made even more famous due to a lid on a sarcophagus of a Mayan ruler than apparently shows the ruler as an astronaut ascending on a rocket, pictorially in very much the same way as the lone American Mercury astronauts or initial Russian cosmonauts. Unfortunately, IMHO, while appealing, it doesn’t ring true, for reasons other than the alternatives advocated by professional archaeologists. I very much doubt advanced extraterrestrials would be utilizing primitive rocket technology; the ‘astronaut’ in question is barefooted, which seems rather unlikely.

Piri Reis Map: The Turkish Admiral and cartographer Piri Reis compiled from over a dozen earlier maps in 1513 a map that not only showed to a high degree of accuracy the Atlantic Ocean and islands but also the west coasts of Europe and Africa, the east coasts of the Americas, and an ice-free Antarctica coastline. Antarctica hadn’t yet even been discovered in 1513 and if it had been it wouldn’t have been ice-free. The implication is that some maps predating 1513 had to have been compiled from aerial surveys done way before Antarctica was ice-covered and certainly way before humans had explored and mapped in exquisite detail the eastern seaboard of the Americas.  

Pyramids (Egypt; Mesoamerica): Low technology stone constructions built by humans for humans, albeit at considerable time, energy and expense.

Quetzalcoatl (Mesoamerican Mythology): A pre-Aztec (Toltec) and Aztec deity, a creator god who brought and taught many skills to the native Central Americans. Quetzalcoatl, also known as the ‘Feathered Serpent’ (among other titles) was also the inventor of the calendar and associated with the planet Venus. Like numerous other ‘gods’, Quetzalcoatl sailed away one day promising to return. Quetzalcoatl is often compared and contrasted with the Inca deity Viracocha and some suggest they were one and the same.

Satan (Biblical; Christian Mythology): Senior ancient astronaut who mutinied against Yahweh, and lost.

Seraphim (Biblical; Christian Mythology): Six-winged entities (Isaiah 6:2): an extraterrestrial race; ancient astronauts.

Shape-Shifters & Shifting (Global Mythology): Extraterrestrial race; ancient astronauts. Common examples are the Werewolf and the Vampire, but there are literally hundreds of examples from around the world.

Sirius: The star Sirius has been implicated by various human cultures as the parent stellar system from which at least one race of extraterrestrials who have visited Earth call home. Sirius can also have some other extraordinary significance with potential extraterrestrial implications in various human mythologies.

Sky Gods (Global Mythology): Ancient astronauts. Thor (Norse) and Zeus (Greek) are well-known examples, ditto Yahweh (Biblical), Nut and Horus (Egypt), plus Virococha (Inca). There are also ‘Queens of Heaven’ or Sky Goddesses, like Isis (Egypt). In fact, you name the culture and they will have a Sky God or Gods and/or Sky Goddess or Sky Goddesses in their mythologies.

Star of Bethlehem (Christian Mythology): An alien spaceship. No natural astronomical object can appear to hover over one spot since the Earth rotates. (See Matthew 2:9).

Stonehenge (England): A low technology stone construction built by humans for humans, albeit at considerable time, energy and expense, exact purpose(s) unproven.

Tassili n’Ajjer: The south-eastern Sahara Desert region of Algeria is quite famous for hundreds of works of ancient rock art, depicting of all sorts of numerous humans and animals and some weird stuff too like the massive ‘Great God Mars’, so named by its discoverer because of its otherworldliness. That’s just one of numerous examples of primitive rock frescoes, paintings and carvings from around the world that show otherworldly creatures. That prehistoric humans could draw things like humans and animals accurately is not in question. But when it comes to the strange stuff, is it imagination or reality?    

Thor (Norse Mythology): One of numerous Sky Gods with associated high-tech.

Titans (Greek Mythology): Ancient astronauts who fought a ‘war in heaven’ with the Olympians for domination, and lost.

Transport of Massive Stone Megaliths (Global Mythology): Easter Island (statues walk by themselves); massive stones caried on the backs of dragons; cyclopedian walls; Stonehenge; etc.

Tunguska, Siberia (1908): In June of 1908, something exploded midair over Tunguska, Siberia, and causing damage to regions of forest directly underneath the blast. To this very day, no definitive explanation has been proved beyond reasonable doubt. One explanation suggests that this explosion was an artificial aerial vehicle (obviously extraterrestrial) that went ka-boom, perhaps a nuclear explosion if the vessel was nuclear powered.

Unidentified Flying Objects: The modern version of extraterrestrial spaceships/atmospheric vehicles/space shuttles, although in fairness, the vast majority of UFOs are anything but.

Valhalla (Norse Mythology): A suburb or a subpart of Asgard.

Viracocha (Incan Mythology): Chief ancient astronaut and Sky God overseeing the general north-western region of South American, often depicted as a bearded Caucasian. Viracocha is often compared and contrasted with the Aztec deity Quetzalcoatl and some suggest they were one and the same.

 

Wars in ‘Heaven’ (Global Mythology): Conflicts between various groups of ancient astronauts or extraterrestrials. Examples include Yahweh vs. Satan (Biblical Mythology; Christian Mythology); Sekhmet (Egypt); Giants vs. the Olympians (Greek Mythology); the Titans vs. the Olympians (Greek Mythology); Aesir vs. the Vanir (Norse Mythology); even in peaceful Polynesian Mythology we have a battle royal between Tu (god of war) and his brothers Tane, Rongo, Haumia-tiketike, and Tawhirimatea; and in the Near East (Mestpotamia) Enlil (leader of the senior gods) had to face a revolt from the junior gods who were being overworked and underpaid. Aztecs.

Wars in ‘Heaven’, Future (Global Mythology): There’s Ragnarok (Norse Mythology) and of course Armageddon (Christian Mythology). Many, not most of these apocalyptic end-of-the-world events are actually just the end of one cycle and the transition to the beginning of a new cycle.

Wheel of Ezekiel (Biblical Mythology): Alien spaceship (see Ezekiel 3; Ezekiel 10).

Yahweh (Biblical; Christian Mythology): Chief ancient astronaut and Sky God overseeing the general Middle East region featuring Israel, Palestine, the Levant, etc. depicted as a bearded Caucasian. 

Winged Deities (Global Mythology): Apart from the Biblical references to the Cherubim and the Seraphim, there are numerous other deities that come with wings like Nike. Collectively, winged deities are an extraterrestrial race; ancient astronauts.

Zeus (Greek Mythology): Chief ancient astronaut overseeing the general Mediterranean region and chief sky god of the Olympians depicted as a bearded Caucasian.

Author’s note: It’s Biblical Mythology if it is related in the Old Testament; Christian Mythology if it’s exclusive to the New Testament; and both if it’s in both.

An Ancient Astronaut Glossary: Part One

Aerial Technologies: Reports of aerial machines, flight technologies, are not unknown in the archaeological and/or historical record, albeit not that far back, rather in the era of recorded ancient history, say the last 10,000 years or so. From the ‘Star’ of Bethlehem, Elijah’s ‘flaming chariot’, to the Wheel of Ezekiel, to the ‘Sun’ and ‘Moon’ that Joshua stood still (Biblical Mythology); to Vimanas which are Hindu mythological flying machines (mythical self-moving aerial cars, a flying chariot of the gods) as related in various Sanskrit epics; to ‘airplane’ models discovered in both ancient Egypt (dated to about 200 BCE) and little gold model ‘airplanes’ from Pre-Columbian Mesoamerican and South American regions, dating from roughly 500 to 800 CE. Scaled-up replicas of these American and Egyptian ‘aircraft’ have found them to be aerodynamically flight worthy. There are also no shortages of art works from antiquity that at face value appear to show what today would be called Flying Saucers, or Daylight Discs, or just plain Unidentified Flying Objects. Finally, aerial ‘chariots’ and extremely large ‘birds’ that ferry the ‘gods’ around are more the norm than not in many mythologies. 

Agricultural-Based Settlements & Civilization: Roughly 10,000 years ago there was a relatively sudden transition from a nomadic hunter-gatherer lifestyle to agricultural-based settlements in most of the world. Humans relate or credit this change in their mythologies as a gift (of agriculture and animal husbandry) from the gods.

Alien Abductions (Modern; Global Mythology): Abductions of humans by ancient astronauts. Examples include Romulus, Ganymede, Enoch, and Elijah.

Ancient Astronauts: Extraterrestrial beings with highly advanced technologies.

Angels (Biblical; Christian Mythology): Ancient astronaut crewmembers, especially go-betweens twixt the ‘gods’ and the humans. Angels come with differing ranks, but contrary to popular images, they have no wings.

Animal-Animal Hybrids (Global Mythology): Two or more terrestrial animal species combined in a hybrid form by advanced genetic or bioengineering technology. Well known examples include the Sirrush (Near Eastern Mythology); Pegasus and the Chimera (Greek Mythology) and the Kelpie (Celtic Mythology).

Animal-Human Hybrids (Global Mythology): One or more terrestrial animal species combined in a hybrid form with part of a human being (usually face/neck or torso) by advanced genetic or bioengineering technology. Obvious examples would be the Sphinx (Egyptian Mythology; Greek Mythology), the Centaur, Satyr or Minotaur (Greek Mythology); Merfolk i.e. – Mermaids (Global Mythology).

Artificial Selection: The deliberate manipulation of genetic material via selective breeding and/or genetic engineering at the cellular level or below to produce new or enhanced traits that are considered desirable by those doing the manipulating. Artificial selection is useful in explaining numerous by anomalous human characteristics.

Asgard (Norse Mythology): Possibly an extra-solar planet; more likely the name of Odin’s spaceship.

Assur (Near Eastern Mythology): Chief ancient astronaut overseeing the general Middle East region featuring Assyria.

Baalbek: The Great Temple of Jupiter at Baalbek, Lebanon, is widely known for having incorporated in the structure some of the largest quarried stone blocks ever used by any builder anywhere at anytime. How these massive stones weighing up to 1000 tons each were transported and raised into place at a height of over eight metres remains one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of ancient mankind and archaeology. 

Boogieman (Global Mythology): Mythologies throughout the world often have warnings, especially for children, about not wandering too far from home, and not wandering out at night, for unspeakable ‘boogiemen’ are out there to kidnap and maybe devour them, but ultimately never to see home again. Perhaps this is a thinly disguised reference to alien abductions.

Cherubim (Biblical; Christian Mythology): Two to four-winged entities: an extraterrestrial race; ancient astronauts noted for example in the Old Testament Book of Ezekiel. Some also guard the east entrance of the Garden of Eden to ensure humans don’t trespass or re-enter.

Cosmology (Global Mythology): Mythological themes that suggest that our ancient ancestors had astronomical knowledge way in advance of their time. The ‘Cosmic Egg’ that hatched or broke open mimicking the Big Bang. Mythologies of cyclic existences – birth, death, rebirth, etc. mirroring a Big Bang, Big Crunch, Big Bang, etc. cycles. The Chinese mythology regarding cosmology reads an awful lot like the expanding universe.

Crop Circles (Global; esp. England): Manufactured glyphs using agricultural crops as the ‘canvas’ that are the work of obvious intelligence, though controversy abounds whether the intelligence is 100% terrestrial or not.

Cyclopean Walls: Walls that are massive in thickness and in height, usually defensive walls, with individual stones often weighing many tons, thought to be by even the ancients constructed by the Cyclopes or other giants. Only such beings could have erected such fortifications. This is now a general collective phrase for massive defence structures raised in ancient eras.

Cyclopes (Greek Mythology): Ancient astronauts with high technology.

Dragons (Global Mythology): Alien spaceships, mistaken by our ancestors for a flying, roaring, fire-breathing animal. Primarily used as a sort of atmospheric/space shuttle as a go-between twixt the chief and senior ancient astronauts and senior humans (like emperors, etc.).

Easter Island: Easter Island is one of the most isolated Pacific Islands going, yet it was apparently colonized by two different cultures, the Short Ears and the Long Ears, the former probably arriving from Polynesia to the west, and the latter from South America to the east. It’s of course world famous for those massive stone sculptures, some as tall as a four story house and weighing 40 tons or more. There size is often deceiving as they are often just seen from the neck up – the rest of the body bulk still buried beneath the ground. These statues are arresting in that they are clearly human, yet not quite human in appearance. As to how they got from quarry A to resting site B, well the natives say the statues walked by themselves from A to B. That’s clearly impossible, but if you think of how the Saturn V Rocket or the Space Shuttle was transported from hanger to launch pad, well to ancient peoples, they might say the space vehicles ‘walked’ by themselves. Lastly, Easter Island is also famous for those representations of hybrid birdmen.

Elijah (Biblical Mythology): Elijah was abducted by a “chariot of fire, and horses of fire” and carried up to Heaven by a whirlwind (2 Kings 2:11). Just like modern UFO abductees, Elijah is to be returned, someday (Malachi 4:5). For Elijah to live so long, since he hasn’t yet made reappearance, one might have to suggest an interstellar space voyage and invoke Einstein’s twin paradox.

Enlil (Near Eastern Mythology): Chief ancient astronaut overseeing the general Middle East region featuring the Mesopotamian area.

Enoch (Biblical Mythology): Enoch was also abducted, by no less than God Himself (Genesis 5:24; Hebrews 11:5). Apparently Enoch was to be given eternal life (he’d already lived to be 365 years old at the time of his abduction) without having to die first. Sounds like high-tech to me!

Fairy Folk: [See Little People].

Fermi Paradox: If extraterrestrial intelligences are out there, with advanced space-faring interstellar technologies, then the odds are approaching 100% that they should have discovered Planet Earth. “Where is everybody” asked Fermi? They should be here. They are not here – that’s the paradox. But the paradox dissolves if you can put forth a solid case for ancient astronauts and/or modern UFOs as evidence of extraterrestrial intelligences with advanced interstellar space-faring technologies.

Giant Birds (Global Mythology): Extraterrestrial vehicles, spaceships, technologically advanced airships – prime examples include Lightning Bird (Southern Africa); Thunderbird (North America); Dragons (universal); Gaurda (Hindu) vehicle for the personal transport of…

Giants (Global Mythology): An extraterrestrial race; ancient astronauts. A typical example is the Cyclopes.

Giants (Greek Mythology): Then there was the war between the Giants and the Olympians – another in a long list of examples of the ‘gods’ fighting the ‘gods’ over Earth-turf. Needless to say, Zeus and company won that fight too, albeit with a little help from others, like Hercules.

God: [See Yahweh].

Gods (Global Mythology): Ancient astronauts.

Heaven (Biblical; Christian Mythology): Possibly an extra-solar planet; more likely the name of Yahweh’s spaceship.

Homo sapiens: Modern humans, an ultimate genetically engineered species from primate stock by ancient astronauts.

Human-Animal Hybrids: [See Animal-Human Hybrids].

Hunter-Gatherers (Anthropology): The nomadic lifestyle led by all modern humans and human hominid ancestors since we came down out of the trees (roughly 6 to 8 million years ago) until roughly 10,000 years ago. 

Jesus (Christian Mythology): On balance, I’d say Jesus was a mortal human, filled with mental delusions of grandeur, a human who saw himself as some sort of chosen one. However, I’m not prepared to rule out that he might have been a senior ancient astronaut, it just depends whether you thing the Jesus part of Christian mythology is part of the mythological mountain or the factual part of the hidden molehill.

Little People (Global Mythology):  Fairies, Elves, Leprechauns, etc are just another extraterrestrial race; more ancient astronauts. In modern times, we call them the Greys.

Marduk (Near Eastern Mythology): Chief ancient astronaut overseeing the general Middle East region featuring Babylonia.

Methuselah (Biblical Mythology): Biblical character who took a trip on an interstellar spaceship and was subjected to Einstein’s time dilation/twin paradox explaining his advanced age of 969 years (Genesis 5:27). He was one of numerous Old Testament characters to make such a voyage.

Author’s note: It’s Biblical Mythology if it is related in the Old Testament; Christian Mythology if it’s exclusive to the New Testament; and both if it’s in both.

To be continued.

Who’s Who in the Ancient Alien’s Bible: Part Two

Since the idea of supernatural deities is nonsense IMHO, perhaps there’s another explanation behind the more likely as not reality molehill hidden inside the traditional religious mythological mountain. That explanation could revolve around an extraterrestrial flesh-and-blood alternative.

Continued from yesterday’s blog…

WHERE’S WHERE

Heaven: The name of God’s spaceship, or starship if you prefer.

Hell: The brig, located off-ship, probably on Earth, where one could be exiled to if need be.

Eastern Mediterranean (Israel; Land of Canaan; the Levant; Near East; Palestine): That part of terrestrial geography assigned to the officers and crew of the Spaceship Heaven as their area of responsibility. Contrast that with Zeus and company assigned the Middle Mediterranean; Odin and company responsible for the Norse lands; and the Great Spirit who looks after the North Amerindians; and so on.

Garden of Eden: Paradise was actually a terrestrial R&R spot for officers and crew of the Spaceship Heaven. God first had to expel human trespassers after they learned or overheard too much extraterrestrial knowledge forbidden to terrestrial ears. Later on however God gave Adam an interstellar ride in his Spaceship Heaven.

Towel of Babel: To disperse in quick-smart fashion the local population to the four corners of the globe, or even within the region, would have required considerable transport infrastructure.

Sodom & Gomorrah: The twin cities were destroyed via fire and brimstone from above, leaving no trace whatever after-the-fact. The obviously high tech weaponry might have been incendiary bombs or even nuclear weapons, but it certainly wasn’t any sort of destructive weapons technology common to that era.

WHAT’S WHAT

Miracles: High technology in action. As the late Arthur C. Clarke tended to put it, any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, at least to those not technologically savvy. Among the high tech examples are the medical ones – healing the seriously sick and handicapped; resurrecting the very recently deceased; enabling very elderly women – over the hill and off the pill – to become fertile and bear offspring.

Food: Speaking of high tech miracles, what does one make of manna from heaven; loaves and fishes that multiply; wine from water? This almost makes you think of the food replication device used in Star Trek.

Noah’s Flood: A whole textbook could be written about the impossibilities of the Biblical tale of the flood and Noah’s Ark. The amount of water required can’t be produced. The boat isn’t near large enough to house and feed every species that would need to be given shelter. The crew isn’t sufficient to look after their charges. But, with just a bit of high tech tweaking, what if the Ark wasn’t for an actual universal disaster but a potential one, a real possibility given those high tech star wars, or wars between the various factions of deities (think of the ten year battle between the Titans and the Olympians; or what must have raged between God and Satan or will rage as per the forecast of Revelation; or the battle between the Frost Giants and the Norse deities; or all those aerial wars depicted in those ancient Hindu texts). Now instead of having entire forest worth of plants and all those animals requiring food and waste disposal, on board, substitute a botanical seed bank and a zoological equivalent, a repository of frozen eggs and sperm or embryos or genetic materials, etc. No need for food; no waste products; not much maintenance (crew time) required, and easily room for everything in the space allowed for the Ark in the Book of Genesis. The issue of course is that all of this is high tech way beyond the capabilities of the great unwashed of that era, the locals or natives. 

Burning Bush: This is an example of extraterrestrial hologram technology in action, employed to awe the local primitives, in this case Moses.

The Ark of the Covenant: Apparently a high and rather dangerous technological device, purpose not really well explained, but obviously more than just a storage box for a couple of stone tablets.

Clouds; Pillars of Fire; Flying Rolls; Star of Bethlehem; Aerial Chariots; Whirlwinds; Ezekiel’s Wheel, etc.: A UFO by any other name is still a UFO, and in most of these depictions, the object, say a ‘cloud’, is an actual vehicle that carries a passenger, more likely as not a Spaceship Heaven shuttlecraft. 

Germ Warfare & Biological Weapons: There are numerous examples in Biblical texts where high tech biological weapons were used against populations (i.e. – the Egyptians, even God’s Chosen People) and individuals like Job.

Transfiguration: Jesus led three of his followers up a mountain, and behold his face had a rather disquieting and unnatural glow about it (much like Moses after his CE3K). In fact Jesus, and/or his clothing, shone with some sort of bioluminescence. To add to this anomaly, Jesus had with him both Moses (long since considered the late Moses who had once been abducted) and Elias (otherwise known as Elijah, the abducted). Further a ‘cloud’ that hovered over this gathering ‘spoke’ to them, one and all, with words that implied that this was God himself doing the speaking. Then the ‘cloud’ vanished like a bat out of hell. Wow! There is surely something strange afoot going on here. By the way, in common with a lot of other Biblical tales, this is repeated several times, in the Books of Matthew, Mark and Luke. In fact, I’d suggest that if you eliminated all of the duplications, the Bible would be 10% thinner!

The Ascension: Jesus departs Planet Earth to take up his new job as First Officer on the Spaceship Heaven, sitting at the right hand of her captain.

Hologram Technology: A very useful ways and means of inspiring awe in the great unwashed. Examples that spring to mind include the ‘burning bush’ and Jesus ‘walking on the water’ and appearing in the ‘flesh’ post execution.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

There have been no verified and documented sightings of the main Biblical players (God, Satan, Jesus, angels, etc.) in way over 2000 years. Where are they? I suspect they have gone away. I further suspect God and crew were recalled to home base to stand trial for crimes against humanity, though many, like Jesus, were exonerated, having played no part or role at Sodom & Gomorrah or in the use of biological weapons and waging germ warfare. Satan and his fallen angels were recalled too, probably picked up from exile, to give account for their original mutiny. Perhaps as we read this Captain Jesus of the Spaceship Heaven (or some other interstellar vessel) is boldly going and finding new Garden of Eden locales to R&R in throughout the cosmos.  

CONCLUSION

It is clear that not everything in the Bible can be easily interpreted in an extraterrestrial context, probably because much of the text’s content tends to be rather mundane soap opera of a humans-only nature. That aside, after you take into consideration all the versions, all the translations and associated issues with that, translation and copying errors (deliberate and accidental), embellishments, artistic license, human imagination needed to fill in the gaps, plus the multiple authorship of all the Biblical texts itself, not to forget that the texts weren’t written down till decades, even many generations after-the-fact (it’s like nobody recorded and wrote down today’s news until the year 2112 – many an error would be made), I conclude that the Bible can largely be interpreted not in a supernatural way but rather an extraterrestrial one.

Unfortunately, if I am right, then all your theological baggage of an eternal life everlasting goes right down the drain – maybe not a bad thing if you thought you were Hell-bound, or even if Heaven-bound as the concept of eternal life is actually hellish as you would rather quickly be bored out of your afterlife skull, and you still have infinity yet to come.

Who’s Who in the Ancient Alien’s Bible: Part One

Since the idea of supernatural deities is nonsense IMHO, perhaps there’s another explanation behind the more likely as not reality molehill hidden inside the traditional religious mythological mountain. That explanation could revolve around an extraterrestrial flesh-and-blood alternative.

INTRODUCTION

Erich Von Daniken asked the question “was God as astronaut?” Traditional Christians, Muslims, and those of the Jewish faiths of course answer “No”, God was (and is) a supernatural deity. Those more inclined to be free thinkers pondering realities outside of the religious box, answer anywhere from “Maybe” to “Yes”. If the latter, how might Biblical characters, places and events be interpreted in an ‘ancient astronaut’ context. Who’s who, Where’s where and what’s what?

All interpretations are based on the text of the King James Version of all things Biblical.

WHO’S WHO

God: OIC and captain of the Spaceship Heaven. His real alien name is of course Yahweh, or in the vowelless version YHWH, but I’ll just shorten that to God, a name that all and sundry recognise.

Satan: God’s original First Officer and second in command of the Spaceship Heaven, later exiled to Hell, or at least to Earth, for mutiny. 

Fallen Angels: Fallen Angels are those officers and crew who were in cahoots with Satan in the unsuccessful mutiny against Captain God and who were court-martialed and stripped of their status and rank and exiled to Hell on Earth. 

The Seraphim: Because the Seraphim have six wings, they are probably a separate extraterrestrial race aligned with the alien race of beings to which God and company belong. [Well Star Trek exhibited a multi-species crew from the start.] One such alien was apparently someone called Metatron, an angel who acted as the ‘voice of God’, a scribe, and is the tallest and greatest of the lot. ‘He’s’ sort of the chief cook and bottle washer on the Spaceship Heaven.

The Cherubim (singular is cherub): The extraterrestrial Cherubim might be related to the Seraphim in that they are enormous four-winged beings. The definitive book in the Bible on cherubim is the Book of Ezekiel, mainly the first and tenth chapter.

Governor or Watcher Angels: These are your typically obedient angels who just sort of watch over humanity in general, a sort of extraterrestrial Peeping Tom some of who had an eye for the Daughters of Men.   

Archangels: Senior officers of Spaceship Heaven. Those messenger and battle ready angels. The best known of the lot were the archangels who are very high-ranking angels indeed, starting with Michael, Gabriel and Raphael, but followed by Uriel, Simiel, Orifiel and Zachariel.

Angels: Ordinary crewmembers of the Spaceship Heaven, forever running errands for the senior officers.

Sons of God: Apparently hand chosen senior crew members, perhaps literally biological offspring of Captain God. The Sons of God were apparently some or all of the Governor or Watcher Angels.

Daughters of Men: Human females.

Nephilim: The offspring of the Sons of God and the Daughters of Men. They were apparently the ‘giants’ referred to ‘in the Earth’, though exactly how giant was giant isn’t spelled out.

Jesus: Another offspring of the Sons of God and the Daughters of Men, albeit much farther on down the historical track, or perhaps the offspring between God himself and the Daughters of Men (well one anyway). Jesus would later rise (from the ‘dead’) to become First Officer on board Spaceship Heaven. That Jesus is an extraterrestrial is admitted by himself in John 8:23. Of note here is that Jesus probably used holographic technology to give an appearance of walking on water and/or appearing alive and in the ‘flesh’ post execution – which he survived, another sign of high technology in operation. 

Baal: God’s prime extraterrestrial rival for power and authority in the region, though there’s never any direct and open physical conflict twixt the two.

Moses: Just one of several abductees noted and logged in Biblical texts. He was abducted by a ‘cloud’ and carried on up the mountain for a close encounter with a supreme alien lawmaker. Upon his return his face had an unnatural glow about it which caused those waiting his return to be afraid of him.

Jacob: Witnessed (or dreamed about) angels ascending and descending to and from Spaceship Heaven.

Ezekiel: A human who had a close encounter of the third kind (those Cherubim) plus an associated abduction event.

Jonah: Spent three days and nights in isolation inside a technological craft.

Joshua: 1) Was in possession of high technology sonic weaponry at Jericho. 2) He later witnessed several UFOs that stood still in the sky providing illumination for his army.

Enoch and Elijah: These two human males are the only two whose ultimate fate (death) we don’t know anything about. Both humans apparently joined the Spaceship Heaven at the behest of her captain never to be seen again, albeit Elijah was spotted with Jesus by three of his disciples (see Transfiguration).

Old Age Pensioners: Methuselah, Noah, Adam as well as others, apparently lived to really, really ripe old ages, way, way, way beyond the standard three score and ten. The explanation: these were humans invited by the officers and crew of Spaceship Heaven to take a relativistic interstellar journey at velocities at a considerable fraction of the speed of light. They aged normally on board, but because of the time dilation effect, time passed more rapidly back on Earth, or more slowly on the spaceship (same difference), such that they returned home hundreds of terrestrial year’s later – Earth time - thus the false appearance that they were hundreds of years old at journey’s end but didn’t look a day over thirty because they really weren’t a day over thirty! It’s referred to as the Twin Paradox of Special Relativity, though it’s not really a paradox at all, just the logical conclusion of the equations of Special Relativity which have been verified by observation and experiment, at least on the micro scale.

Matthew, Mark, Luke & John: A quartet of roving reporters who independently investigated what was to them relatively recent history – just several generations had passed – each in his own way. The topic of their investigation was an alleged historical figure, a figure that seemed to have gained some degree of uniqueness, notoriety and prominence as a possible deity and the quartet wrote up their short biographies accordingly. 

To be continued…

When Religious Aliens Come Knocking: Part Two

Aliens, as in extraterrestrials, come in all manner of shapes and sizes at least according to science fiction authors, TV produces, filmmakers and even scientists. We have to rely on them since we don’t yet have an alien on the slab in the lab for verification. Our potential aliens also have all manner of philosophies and intentions – invasion and sex usually dominate. But what about religion: their existence and impact on our religion and of greater importance, their religion’s impact on us. 

Continued from yesterday’s blog…

When it comes to ET, the traditional Hollywood image, often reinforced by some scientists, is that when the aliens come calling, it will be with ray-guns blasting away (like in “The War of the Worlds”), unless they are sneaky like in “Village of the Damned” plus sequel “Children of the Damned”, or “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” (several versions). Justification for depicting ET as nasty is often given based on terrestrial histories of invasions and conquests. A warfare scenario pessimist is hardly ever disappointed; a peace scenario optimist frequently is.

But let’s look on the bright side. ET arrives and there’s not a ray-gun in sight. It’s the dawn of a new and enlightened era! But let’s substitute their ray-gun replacing it for their extraterrestrial religious text, a text in which ET worships the Almighty Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes (or in Hollywood fare, “The Blob”).

Okay, so based on religious tolerances (or lack of same) as expressed within and by terrestrial societies, what can we expect from ET? When it comes to a religiously inclined and pushy ET, well that’s hardly ever mentioned as a possible scenario, but ultimately it’s really terrifying, in a potential sort of way. A fanatical religious ET vis-à-vis an invading ET, is perhaps a more likely ET and what we may really need to worry about is that they’ll come in peace alright, but as fervent missionaries to spread the word that their version of a supreme being [the Almighty Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes] is the only true version of a supreme being and that all of us terrestrial heathen, pagan infidels had better see the error of our untrue faiths and convert to their extraterrestrial theology quick-smart.

More likely as not ET won’t be Jesus-like and certainly won’t allow themselves to be nailed to a cross (or a higher-tech version); they will probably be more along the lines of the Conquistadors or perhaps akin the Inquisition, or even worse Koran-thumping Islamic extremist-types. After all, they have to be very, very strongly motivated to come out to our neck of the boonies, and they are going to want favorable results, or else. All hail the Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes!

Now here’s a very rough translation and commentary on the first few bars (it’s also an opera) of ET’s “Holy eBook of Slime and Ooze”. It goes something like this:

“Once upon a time the Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes, ejaculated and gave rise to the Holy Ooze and the Holy Ooze was without form and the Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes felt that this was how it should be and everything was Almighty fine. And that ended the First Great Cycle of Cycles.

On the Second Great Cycle of Cycles, Ms. Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes took her less than better half partner, the Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes to task for creating a Holy Oozy Mess and told her less than better half, the Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes to clean it up, or else! And so it came to pass that the Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes swept the Holy Ooze all under the Heavenly Cosmic Carpet. 

But the Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes wasn’t through with His creation, and under cover of the Cosmic Night, He played with His toy biochemistry set and infused animation into the Holy Ooze that had been swept under the Heavenly Cosmic Carpet. And that was the Third of the Great Cycles.

The animated Holy Ooze multiplied in an Oozy sort of way and expanded outwards, ever outwards from under the Heavenly Cosmic Carpet and the Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes was Almighty pleased and totally up Himself with His skills. And thus was concluded the Fourth Great Cycle of Cycles. 

On the Fifth Great Cycle of Cycles, Ms. Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes, totally fed up with her less than better half, packed her Heavenly Duffle Bags and left the Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes for even greener pastures. She moved in with the step-brother of the Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes. His name was the Greater Greener Slime Being, who, unfortunately had fallen from Grace [mutiny I believe] and had been stripped of his Almighty Supreme title and status – such are the fates in family disputes and Wars in Heaven between rivals for power.” 

And it goes on and on and on from there, over ten eBook volumes worth that kind of make the Bible read like a short story. But in a bit of a twist, a role reversal, the underdog, the Greater Greener Slime Being ultimately triumphs and comes out on top to become the new Almighty Greater Greener Slime Supreme Being. Well after all the Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes really was a bit of a twit.

 The former Greater Greener Slime Being and the former Almighty Great Green Slime Supreme Being, Lord of All That Oozes’ Ex – His more than better half – together, it is prophesized, will have a child who ultimately will become the role model for, obviously, “The Son of the Blob”, who is to grow so blobby that His massive gravity will prove enough to cause the Heavenly Cosmic Carpet and all that it contains (life, the universe and everything) to roll up in on itself and turn into a singularity. It will be the End of Days, the Cycles of Cycles – the Big Crunch will have arrived! If I recall correctly, that Last Great Cycle is numbered somewhere over the million mark of all things Cyclic. Amen.

Although you’d hope that advanced alien beings would have long since out-evolved such religious nonsense, that’s not a given. That missionary scenario is even more frightening than them coming here with their ray-guns blasting away IMHO. So if those extraterrestrial evangelists come knocking at your door, with tales about the Holy Ooze, or the Almighty Greater Greener Slime Supreme Being, be afraid, be very afraid!

When Religious Aliens Come Knocking: Part One

Aliens, as in extraterrestrials, come in all manner of shapes and sizes at least according to science fiction authors, TV produces, filmmakers and even scientists. We have to rely on them since we don’t yet have an alien on the slab in the lab for verification. Our potential aliens also have all manner of philosophies and intentions – invasion and sex usually dominate. But what about religion: their existence and impact on our religion and of greater importance, their religion’s impact on us. 

There has been an awful lot of ink spilled over many, many a decade on the question of what the discovery of an advanced extraterrestrial civilization would mean for terrestrial religions, especially the Big Three – Judaism, Christianity and Islam. That’s mainly because the Bible (and associated texts) make no mention of ET, and thus human beings are the one and only apex of God’s creations. Discovery of ET would throw that alleged apex into more than just a bit of theological confusion.

However, theologians tend to make light of this and suggest along the lines that there’s an awful lot of real estate out there, and since God can do whatever He damn well pleases, well maybe He populated some of that real estate with one or more extraterrestrial societies. I mean the Bible doesn’t mention Antarctica or penguins. The discovery of both didn’t upset the religious applecart, so why are aliens relevant to vie for Biblical space and commentary and why should they, if they exist, upset the religious applecart?

In short, one answer boils down to, is everything out there in parallel with everything down here, at least as far as the big three monotheistic faiths go? Do all planets with intelligent aliens have extraterrestrial Adams and Eves that muck up their alien Gardens of Eden and get the boot? Do all alien civilizations have sin, a flood, a Chosen People, a Promised Land, etc? 

Now apparently the biggest of the big theological question is, assuming the existence of ET civilizations, is whether or not Jesus (assuming the reality of a Jesus of course – not a given) visited these worlds and got subjected to the ET equivalent of The Cross. Did Jesus have to hitch a ride on interstellar spaceships in order to get to all those other sinful other-worlds, assuming those other-worlds are sinful other-worlds?  Methinks the questions are as similar to how many angels dance on the head of a pin!

IMHO, the odds that our religious histories in broad-brush form would happen on each and every other-world housing an extraterrestrial civilization is so remote as to not be worthy of even two seconds of pondering. 

Okay, so if UFOs land on the White House lawn tomorrow, or radio astronomers detect obviously artificial radio signals from an extra-solar other-world planet that’s home to ET, big deal. Church attendance will probably not alter greatly, at least after the initial shock. If those of the monotheistic faiths embrace all of humanity as equals, then it’s not a huge step upwards to embracing extra-solar ‘humanity’ – ET – as equals as well. 

But, and this is a very real but, what if our advanced aliens are not just technologically advanced aliens, but theologically  advanced aliens, who in fact have a theology that bears no similarity with any terrestrial theology! Then what? Might ET take a leaf out of our religious histories and violently preach their version of hell, fire and brimstone to us? What leaf you ask? 

The basic reality is that members of the trilogy of major monotheistic religions (and lots of minor ones as well) have in the past wished, and continue to wish, to impose their beliefs by any means fair or foul (usually foul) on anyone and everyone else. If fact, all too often those wishes were turned into reality.

If one had to list all of the atrocities inflicted on various cultures by Christian missionaries, including the abduction and indoctrination of young children, well let’s just say comparisons with the Nazi Third Reich regime wouldn’t be all that inappropriate. From across Africa to the Pacific Islands and points beyond, it was the Christian duty of the faithful to force-feed if necessary their religious doctrines to all those thus far spared monotheism fanaticism. And it wasn’t just a matter of polytheistic to monotheistic conversion, it was the absolute and total destruction of anything and everything part and parcel of their ‘pagan’ traditional beliefs that had to be eliminated, so much so that most of the culture, say of the Aztecs and the Incas, have now been lost forever – thanks due to God, or rather His ever faithful representatives.

Then throw in the Inquisition, the Crusades, and all manner of Holy Wars and God’s Old Testament reign of terror has been taken to heart by the faithful whose duty is to see that it is ‘to be continued’ and on, and on, and on it goes. Your option: be a living Christian; or a dead pagan. Well there’s an exception to that – the last of the Inca emperors was given this option: a relatively quick and easy death as a born-again Christian, or a very slow and very painful death as a pagan. Needless to say Christianity won out yet again. Belief in God can be very persuasive when you’re faced with being burned at the stake as an alternative.  

Albeit more civilized today, the indoctrination goes on. It might be religious fanatics picketing in front of abortion clinics or forcing public schools to delete Darwinism (Darwinian evolution) from their curricula and replace it with Creationism or Intelligent Design (you’d think that had been settled once and for all with the 1925 Scopes Trial). It often takes the form of all those televangelists knocking your socks off and all those religious billboard signs warning you of this, that and the next sinful thing. Then of course there are those ever pestering Bible-pushing Christians knocking at your door, eager beavers telling you how much God loves you, but in return for a donation He’ll love you even more!

But take note, its God the singular, not gods the plural. I mean is it a God / Jesus Bible-thumper who bangs on your door or is it an Osiris / Odin / Quetzalcoatl / Zeus, etc. person who disturbs your peace and quiet, trying to convert you to the wisdom of polytheism? Did I hear you say God / Jesus? I thought so. Despite the fact that the Bible isn’t a legal document like a search warrant or a summons, it nevertheless seems to give Bible-pushers carte blanch to do whatever they please, as long as the Bible tells them it’s okay to do it, like chewing your ear off (not literally of course) with tales of hell, fire and brimstone and trying to scare the shit out of you into making a donation to the cause. 

If there were any polytheistic cultures who tried to ram their gods down the throat of other cultures I’m not aware of them, which is not the same as other cultures assimilating the gods of another culture. As an example, there ultimately proved to be an amalgamation of ancient Greek and Egyptian deities. Ramming has been the ‘divine right’ and privilege of monotheistic cults and examples, including all of the very graphic details, would fill an encyclopaedia. Would aliens perceive their having a ‘divine right’ to ram their theology down our throats? Yes, if our own history is an example. If God is on your side, you can do no wrong!

In the history of our terrestrial civilization, there have been lots and lots of refugees. Many are economic, escaping poverty by chasing that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow away from their homeland where it never rains (thus no rainbow). Some are political. Some are for racial / racism reasons. A fair share of all refugees, past and present, are religious refugees, an obvious example being the Pilgrims that migrated to the United States of America before there was such a name as the United States. So the issue of religious freedom, or freedom from having someone else’s religion rammed down your throat, is not trivial.

To be continued…